The Future of Love and Relationships

If you are paying attention to what’s going on in the world, you’ll have noticed that things are changing and they’re changing very quickly.

One of the biggest ways things are changing is in how we approach romantic relationships.

When I was in my twenties and beginning to date and look for husband material, my mother told me that I needed to look for someone who was whole, and I would be whole, and when we came together we would make an even better whole. We’d be like some kind of Voltron. Those weren’t her words, they’re mine. If you know the show, you know that yeah, the little lions were all themselves, but then they came together to form this awesome, amazing giant robot with loads of power and a big sword.

This is a gorgeous idea, though for a 20-year-old it was pointless. I figured I was whole! What could she even possibly mean?

Back then what I was attracted to were guys whose core wounds matched my core wounds, or at least, the ways they were wounded complemented mine. They felt like a puzzle piece and I was attracted to their damage and they were attracted to mine.

Try telling that to a 20-something year old. It does not compute and it’s also irritating and annoying and it means that instead of just finding a lover or partner to act as a salve to the void in my life, I was being told that I needed to fix what was broken inside, which meant taking a step back and learning who I was.

For this to work, 20-something year olds RIGHT NOW need to be on top of things in ways the 20-somethings of my generation weren’t. But I don’t think that’s impossible. In fact, knowing what I know, the souls who inhabit many of these bodies are some of the most powerful and evolved souls Earth has seen in a long time. They’re equipped to handle this.

So I want to explain what I mean for the 20-somethings right now, and the people of my generation whose lives have fallen apart in the form of their relationships shattering and finding themselves back at square one with absolutely no idea what the crap comes next.

1. Love is not someone filling up your time so that you can avoid the pain and sorrow inside you that you’ve buried deep within.

2. If you have spent any time living on planet Earth, you have become a fragmented individual. Your relationship shattered because you are shattered inside. You’re finally seeing what you are in the external world, but it was always inside you, for a long time. What you are within is finally outside you. Can you see it now?

3. Even a 20-something year old NOW is fragmented. This happens because of the way Earth has been for a long time. We’re in healing mode right now. Fragmentation comes from all the identities you adopted once you were inside a human body. When you were a tiny child, you were all soul — totally lovely and perfect. Then your parents started indoctrinating you into the matrix of Earth, through no fault of their own. This has been the way of Earth for a long time. This started you on the path of separating pieces of the beautiful soul you came in as. If you received negative feedback from anyone through a gesture, a reaction, or even emotional feedback (babies and young children are highly sensitive to this wordless form of communication), you pushed that part into a dark corner and associated it with something bad. That is how we become fragmented and it happens over and over again throughout our lives.

4. It is necessary and expedient for humans to find wholeness within through healing. The first romantic relationship every person must have is with themself. You are the everything. You are love. And when you sort through the fragmented parts of yourself (some people call this shadow work), you must look those pieces in the eye and love them. This will fuse you back into a state of wholeness.

5. Once you have done this, you will see that love for another isn’t about them fixing you or loving you despite your flaws because you NEED that so that you don’t hate yourself. They are not here to HEAL you. YOU are here to HEAL YOU.

6. You will then enter a partnership with a lover based on qualities of respect, emotional stability, mutual admiration, and because you enjoy WHO they are, not WHAT they do for you. You are not there out of desperation and neither are they.

If it isn’t clear, the future of relationships is about ending a form of slavery: to contracts that bind us in sometimes mutually destructive situations, to bygone ideas about “falling” in love with someone who triggers our wounds in a pleasant and familiar way that makes us feel safe, to the shadow self who has controlled who we ended up with through blinding us to what was happening, and into archaic notions about love saving us.

In the future, the love that WILL save us is love for our whole self so that we are not the walking dead, looking for a savior to complete us. We are truly complete in this paradigm, and when we find someone who has done their inner work, we will know that they are free to stay or to go, they are not trapped. Because the future is a place where each human is a sovereign being who does not have to be a slave to any institution, including relationships.

If this interests you, this idea of a future where love and romantic relationships are built on something more than desperation and fear, then consider reading the following articles:

How to Begin Healing

Why Ascension?

What Is a Spiritual Practice?

Meditation for Beginners

–Nicole